Wedding Planning For Kenya from Abroad - Part 1

Planning a wedding is a headache. Planning a wedding locally is a headache. Planning a wedding in a different continent is a massive, gigantic,head-banging type migraine. The list of things that have to go right is quite daunting. For baby girl and I, for a wedding scheduled this coming December, we have had curious surprises, the usual odd ball and had to dodge curveballs thrown our way like any other couple planning a wedding. To say the least, we have learnt a lot about ourselves, and more importantly, event planning and management as a whole. The biggest thing we ever had to plan between herself and I was our engagement party - and that comprised no more than 50 closest friends from all over the US. Weddings are quite daunting and rightfully so. To understand our challenges so far you also have to consider the backdrop against which we are planning this wedding.

DECEMBER 2007

Firstly, a lot of people, fearing pre and post-electoral violence last year chose to hold off on trips, vacations and weddings this past December. Post electoral violence and intermittent civil unrest throughout January, February and March 2008 had a devastating effect on the Kenyan tourism industry. This meant, a lot of re-scheduling not only vacationers and business travelers but also university exchange programs, peace corps etc. This has congested the tourism schedule considerably for 2008 which means this coming December, despite rising gas prices, we will see an incredible upsurge in diaspora-tourism as opposed to previous years. This means increased competition not just locally (in Kenya) but also from abroad.

ECONOMY ON THE BRINK

Secondly, the fact that the dollar is weak largely due to the US economy tittering on the brink of (or already in) a recession has meant not only a surge in gas prices but also commodity prices. This means it will not only cost us more to travel to Kenya but it has increased our commodity expenses significantly. The Kenyan Shilling (Ksh) has gained considerably against the US dollar recently. As we speak, our estimations are that our best exchange rate among different banks, forex bureaus and other institutions in Kenya is hovering between Kshs 60 - 63 against the dollar. Consider this against the dollar trading at about Kshs 70-73 this same time period a year ago.

WHO IS YOUR COMPETITION

Thirdly if you are planning a wedding in Kenya in late December you’re not just competing with fellow couples for venues but also with businesses and corporations holding their end of year parties. This also means, more competition for good DJ’s, caterers, flower vendors, car leasing services, decorators, bakers - the whole nine. In addition, keep in mind the major holidays in December - Jamhuri Day (Independence Day) on the 12th,Christmas eve and Christmas Day on the 24 and 25th respectively, New Year’s Day on the 31st and January 1st. You have to schedule your day somehow to make sure it’s not right before or right after these days. This allows flexibility for travel options for your guests and also means a little bit more availability from vendors whom you are depending on to make things right.

CUSTOMS

I had never thought our customs would have such a big impact on our planning. I knew we wanted to incorporate them to as much an extent as possible without making ours a typical traditional wedding. I have come to note that Kenyans turn such gatherings into mini-political rallies for family members with political aspirations. Weddings/Graduations provide a familiar and captive audience, and being a Kenyan, I know the odd political discussion is always around the corner. In our custom, the groom’s family performs all the wedding planning. The responsibility of the bride’s family is reduced to choosing the church. That meant, for us, at least modifying some aspects of it. We decided against a church wedding for one big reason; logistics. But before we get into that, let me address customs exhaustively.

Our customs create a rift in the planning process. We opted against a pre-wedding since, for our sake our wedding will be in Kenya. It would be disingenuous of us to hold one in the states and have the wedding in Kenya. Pre-weddings traditionally were meant to raise money for the wedding and it was/is expected that all invitees and contributors will be guests at your wedding. This benevolent custom has been abused so much so that not only will baby girl and I not hold one, we generally do not attend pre-weddings. We substituted this with a committee of our closest and dearest, and assigned certain costs to each individual with baby girl and I assuming 90% of the cost.

Secondly, weddings are planned and executed by committees in our customs. Again, I personally do not care for committees so in the interest of simplicity and not to do away with this custom, we formed two committees. One largely symbolic - that has uncles, aunts etc - which will do the ‘negotiating for the bride’ and oversee other tradition-related aspects of wedding should they arise. The other is a smaller 4 person committee, baby girl, myself, my sister and my mom who has run our Kenya operation superbly. This acts as more of a finance committee which has made our decision making process pretty simple and highly effective. Simply put, it avoids bottlenecks in decision making by large committees and has handled the more important aspects of the ceremony such as choosing vendors, venues, caterers, colors, decorations etc and engaging with a myriad of vendors which is basically the brunt of the work that needs to be done.

Thirdly, as briefly mentioned above the bride’s family is not involved in the planning process. As such it is difficult for me to ask my in-laws their opinions/likes/dislikes etc. Baby girl’s parents are cosmopolitan in some ways but traditional custom-wise for most part. As such, they have relinquished planning to us and let us run with it. It would help to have their input which baby girl solicits once in a while but for most part they seem to be happy with our operations.

I will talk about our plan and execution here soon. Until then the journey continues….

Beer Tales

Those of us who occasionally enjoy the good brew will undoubtedly be familiar with such brands as Corona, Heineken, Bud Light, Budweiser, Samuel Adams, Michelob light, Coors Light amongst many other beers. I was mildly surprised to find out that Corona, a flagship brew of the Grupo Modelo in Mexico is the number one imported beer in the world. It is also number one in sales in the continental United States. My guess would have been Heineken. You can easily see why; by my estimates, approximately 60% of Kenyan beer drinkers prefer Heineken. I actually believe we spend more cash on Heineken than we send back home to help folks as a group. That’s an issue for discussion at some other time though. Take a look at any photos of us cavorting at one of our many party places. There will be the ubiquitous two-finger salute (what is up with that!), the guy clumsily holding a heineken flashing his brightest smile without a care in the world, scantily dressed women and the camera man might capture the odd jokestar with the “Nairobi City Council” t-shirt or the Jamhuri high school uniform.

My interest in beer was sparked by a conversation I had with a Mexican lady friend a couple weeks ago at a get together. I had just gotten myself an ice cold corona, you know how we do, trying to put the slice of lemon in. She approaches and tells me I’m doing it wrong. Apparently, you need to cut the lemon slice just thick enough to slip into the bottle and hold it upside down till the sucker gets to the top (bottom). We talk mostly about similarities between Kenyans and Mexicans. I say Mexican food is as close to Kenyan food as you’ll get out here unless of course you go to a predominantly Kenyan restaurant such as Safari in Washington DC or Nai Lounge in Dallas, if you ask me. The rice and beans, the way they make chicken, what they consider salsa in some cases we would call “kachumbari”. The Mexican lady, I’ll call her X, says Kenyan food is very easy to make, turns out she can make chapatis. I am not a big chapati fan but from what I tasted, they were pretty good. She can also make “mokimo” which is my favorite dish.

We talk beer again, this time though I interject that Kenyan beers are far much more superior in quality and taste. From memory I am able to recount several Kenyan brews such as Pilsner Ice, Tusker, Tusker malt lager and others. Like Kenya, Mexico has myriads of local brews in addition to the aforementioned Corona; there is also Tecate, Dos Equis, Estrella, Noche Buena and the likes. I sampled Dos Equis once, I believe I will not be sampling Dos Equis again. I had always been a Pilsner Ice drinker till I went back home and tried Tusker malt. My boy Wawesh introduced me to it when I visited and I loved it. Having gotten back to the states, I decided to perform research on what Kenyan beers were available here. I was surprised to find that Tusker was actually being sold at a liquor store close to my home, I bought some. This was indeed the worst tasting beer I have ever tried. It rivals comparably to sisal juice (not that I have ever drunk sisal juice and any stories of such an event are just malicious lies from those out to finish me). Of course there are worse tasting beers in my opinion. If you drink bud ice, mad-dog 20/20, B-40 Bull Max, Old Milwaukee, Bootie Light, Busch Lite or the crap that is Miller lite you might want to try something else.

Acting the Victim: The Don Imus effect

Excuse me if I come across as insensitive on this issue but I find it laughable that the ‘black community’ is outraged over one Don Imus’ comments about Rutgers women’s basketball team. If you have been living in a cave with blind fish then let me get you up to date:

4/4/07 – Don Imus, refers to member of the Rutgers women’s basketball team as “nappy headed hoes” ( Consensus here is that he was not referring to the long-handled implement having a thin, flat blade usually used to break up the surface of the ground, destroy weeds e.t.c)

Between 4/4/07 - 4/6/07 – The National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ) highlights this comment and a firestorm is brewing

4/6/07 – Imus issues a statement of apology, some say dismissively.

4/7/07 – 4/8/07 – Firestorm brewing.

4/9/07 – Imus apologizes again and appears on Al Sharpton’s radio show. And yes, apologizes again.

4/10/07 – Imus apologizes to black people again and again, oh yes and again. Firestorm in full swing. Calls for his firing, sponsors are wary. (Imus has a show with a following of about 3 million listeners)

4/10/07 – Rutgers’ womens basketball team holds press conference, condemns Imus’ comments and adds fuel to the fire.

4/11/07 – Sponsors start to pull out in the midst of a firestorm. MSNBC pulls the plug on Imus’ simulcast show Imus in the Morning from its network.

4/12/07 – CBS Cancels Imus’ show. Imus meets with the Rutgers women’s basketball team to apologize face to face at the governor’s mansion.

Talk about celebrating the victim! Oh, those poor women of Rutgers. Poor black women. And the team itself reveling in this by submitting to it and taking part in the mediastorm that followed this. It’s a freakin pity party!

Don Imus’ didn’t call anyone anything that is not celebrated in hip hop today. He did not make up the phrase neither did he call anyone anything they haven’t heard before. BET pimps this message all day and all night long yet when Imus stupidly says something to the effect, we are hurt, outraged and upset? How pathetic. This goes on all the time in the black community yet we are ‘outraged’ when an ignorant 66 year old white man says it? What double standards!

Why don’t we hold press conferences when Nelly and Jay Z call women hoes and bitches in their music? Is Al Sharpton marching outside BMG and Virgin offices protesting against promoting and marketing the vile and misogynistic message in rap music? It’s disgusting how us – yes we, black people are willing to embrace the victim’s role.This is not a problem created by Don Imus, we created it, we need to deal with it. It’s time to Act different!

Solutions

Rubik’s cube. The bane of my existence. I have attempted on numerous occasions to solve it yet I fail each time. Each attempt is a reminder that I am not as smart as I think and that smart people roam these very streets and I am not one of them. My problem has become so bad that I can no longer find it in me to even get the same color on one side. I am almost resigned to the fact that solving rubiks’s cube is not one of my ‘many talents’ but still I get myself trying to solve the dang thing. Futility or nirvana, the struggle continues.

These struggles with the cube seem to mirror my personal conflict on the philosophy of helping people. When is enough actually enough? Should we continue to help even though our help is a big part of the problem? Should you lend a hand each time in an attempt to solve a problem, thus you becoming part of it? My view is that problems exist and solutions abound, but not all solutions address the problem, rather they create a situation where resultant effects of these problems are not felt, but the same problems fester. Issues such as drug trafficking, murder, you name it – does incarceration really address the problem? How many second and third time offenders end up in the same cellblocks and jailhouses for these same crimes? How has the punishment (our solution), addressed the problem?


“Life Is Hard.”Buddha

I understand there will be various arguments and points of views as to what society believes but sill the question continues. Picture a situation where an alcoholic is checked into a rehab facility, completes the program, goes back to the streets, relapses, you send them back to the rehab – completes another stint, relapses again and the cycle continues. I grapple with this – is the person who continually sends the alcoholic to rehab part of the solution? If the alcoholic cannot find it in him/her to check themselves into rehab and stick with the program, what good is the noble soul that continues to send this person to rehab doing? Are you not part of the problem? You making choices for him/her makes them relinquish their ability to do just that, thus they will never understand what it takes to make a concious life-changing decision. In essence you are a big part of the problem! That’s just how I see it. Have a great weekend!

Travelling

No Liquids Please.

Ever since the ban on liquids on flights I have had to learn the hard way. I had to throw out my lovely ‘Cool Waters’ cologne on a flight to Dallas from Las Vegas. It was either that or going back to check it in. Seeing as we had barely made the flight, there was no way this was happening. Toss the dang thing! Orange juice costs me a ridiculous $2.20 at the airport now. I am supposed to be somehow thankful that American Airlines serves stale pretzels and a soda. There’s an inflight movie (if you fly at night – cross country) but you have to buy headphones at the ‘customer friendly’ price of $2. Drinks on a plane are a standard $5 and the overly loud attendant always invites us to apply for the AA Card and get 25,000 miles upon approval. This and the incessant mailings: It is now official, I get more junk mail from American Airlines than any other company, well apart from American Express and Capital One, my shredder has been working overtime – and it will only get worse.

Travelling to Ohio

At the airport Monday morning, I ran into members of a church ministry visiting Dallas from Arkansas, their earlier flight had been cancelled, their next was scheduled to depart at 9. Close to 8:30 comes the announcement that the flight to Arkansas has also been cancelled but that American Airlines will do everything to schedule them on a different flight. There is uproar; I imagine not a lot of people flying on September 11th, flight not fully booked - cancelled. I’m in the state of Ohio. Home of the The! Ohio State Buckeyes, this is country, not that country, Idaho – now that’s country. Lead story on the news this morning was about a couple (white girl, black dude) who had gone home to meet the old man, spent the night at the place, next morning old man wakes up finds cigars missing he pulls a shot gun on the couple – the couple whip out their pistols – old man in hospital: critical. There’s also a dude shot at a nearby Park, critical in hospital gets a visit from his girlfriend – and his other two girlfriends who didn’t know each other. You know how that goes. I figure we’re not on the safest side of town, there are CCTVs all over the building, we’re in town for a week but after two days it feels like we’ve been here too long. I’m exhausted. It’s like a drill each time we exit the building, especially if you work late – check the monitors make sure no one is waiting for you outside, take the remote key – just incase you need to get back in, proceed with caution. We are told to be extra careful there was a break in not too long ago.

The Neighborhoods

There’s s sign by an old rundown house that says “Apartment Available”. I wonder who would want to live here. By highway 70 close to the ‘Siebenthaler Ave’ exit is a run down motel – there’s always people on the porch anytime we drive by. There are also three abandoned buildings, - One was a “Denny’s”, the other a Holiday Inn and the third looks like an convenient store/gas station. It’s Friday and I can only think of one thing: Home sweet home.

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